I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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