This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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