oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
