before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
