We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
