let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
