this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize