I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize