I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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