Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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