Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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