i think my tv is drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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