Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
