I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
