You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
