my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My bed smells like the plague
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