It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
