we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
