Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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