A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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