I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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