he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
