all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
