Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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