Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
