Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
