suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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