You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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