whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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