Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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