Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
