you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
