Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
