you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
