Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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