I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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