Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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