The maid of honor just puked.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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