my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's the barista slut.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize