Your dad touched me again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
