i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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