Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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