I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
