I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
