I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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