College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
