omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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