And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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