it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
