I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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