I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
