I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
