at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
