Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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