I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
