Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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