once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
